


i had a thought, dear, however scary

by paperairplanesopenwindows



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Be_compromised Secret Santa 2019, Community: be_compromised, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gym Sex, Mutual Pining, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Semi-Public Sex, Unprotected Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21997471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperairplanesopenwindows/pseuds/paperairplanesopenwindows
Summary: Bobbi shrugged. “Maybe I get all match-makery when I’m in a stable relationship. Maybe Clint is a great guy that I think should be happy. Maybe I think that you seem great and we’re friends and you deserve to be happy too.”
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72
Collections: be_compromised Secret Santa Exchange 2019





	i had a thought, dear, however scary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlphaFlyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaFlyer/gifts).



> Written for the be_compromised 2019 Secret Santa for Alphaflyer! Banner made by 
> 
> Prompt Used: Prompt: Classic 2012-era Clintasha - friends-to-lovers, starting at SHIELD, secretly married/coupled, pretend-married/coupled, Budapest - go nuts with those tropes you thought were outdated and no one wants anymore!
> 
> I’ve had this fic idea since, oh, 2015? 2016? And it seemed to fit well with the “classic clintasha” theme. Timeline’s a little wonky with this one, let’s say its pre AOS and Winter Solider and call it a day. Title is from Hozier's "Like Real People Do".

_ _

_ From Natasha:  _

_ Where are you?  _

_ From Clint:  _

_???? _

_ Why are you asking?  _

_ From Natasha:  _

_ I’m in the gym. _

_ Waiting for you.  _

_ From Clint:  _

_ Ooooooooooh.  _

_ Sorry.  _

_ I went out to lunch with Bobbi.  _

_ Guess I forgot to tell you? _

_ From Natasha:  _

_ Seriously??? _

_ You’re an idiot.  _

_ Tell Bobbi I said hi though _

_ From Clint:  _

_ She says hi back _

_ From Natasha:  _

_ :) _

  
  


Natasha slammed her fist hard into the side of the dummy, like it would make the possessive curl in her stomach go away.  _ Clint is not yours _ , she told herself angrily, as she smacked the dummy again hard enough that her whole hand stung. Clint was her partner and her best friend, but she didn’t own him. And she liked Bobbi well enough, no fault in Bobbi wanting to catch up with a friend. So why was she so jealous?

She lashed out at the dummy with a harsh kick and saw that Steve was at the edge of the mat, watching her warily. 

“Hi Natasha,” he called when he saw he had her attention.

“What’s up Rogers?” she asked. She could feel the eyes of half the SHIELD agents in the room on the two of them and she glared at the nearest one until he cowered. 

Steve shrugged. “Just wanted to say hi.” He stepped into her space, keeping a good distance between himself and her kicks. “Where’s Barton?” 

“Why do you ask?” Natasha slammed another kick into the dummy and it shook in its base. 

“Just weird to see you apart, is all.”

“He’s out getting lunch with his ex. She’s in town and they wanted to catch up.”

“Oooooooh,” Steve said, like everything suddenly made sense. 

Natasha stopped beating the dummy and turned to him. “What do you mean, ‘Ooooooooh.’”

Steve ignored the question. “If he’s not here, want to spar with me?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, but abandoned the dummy to join Steve out on the gym floor. The other agents were still staring, some more subtle than others. “You mean you want me to kick your ass again, Old Man.” 

Steve snorted and lead the way out to the floor. 

“What’s Clint’s ex’s name?” Steve asked, after Natasha had ducked two of his punches. 

“Her name’s Bobbi. Bobbi Morse. Why do you want to know?”

Steve shrugged one shoulder, then tried to sweep her legs out from under her. “I guess it just surprises me that Barton has an ex that he’s still friends with.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “The breakup was mutual, or so I’ve been assured. Bobbi’s remarried.”

“Wait,” Steve said, stopping, “they were  _ married _ ?”

Natasha used that hesitation to rush Steve and throw him to the ground. His breath was knocked out of him and he stared at her blankly as she stood up, brushing off her hands. “Yes, they were young and dumb and got married after knowing each other six weeks.”

“Ah,” Steve said, seemingly at a loss of words. 

“Do you want to spar again?” 

“I think I’ll pass,” Steve said. 

“Suit yourself,” she said, as she headed back to get a few more rounds in with the dummy. 

  
  


Natasha looked up from her plate to see a grinning Bobbi standing over her. 

“Good to see you!” she said jovially. She didn’t reach out and try to hug her, which Natasha appreciated. “How was your workout? Sorry that I accidentally caused Clint to ditch you.” 

“It was good,” Natasha said. She gestured to the seat in front of her. “Want to join me?”

Bobbi’s face twisted. “And have everyone try to eavesdrop on our conversation? No.” She looked pointedly at the junior agent who was lingering next to them holding an empty lunch tray. He went red and hurried into the line. “Come to my hotel tonight. We can watch something trashy on TV and break into the mini bar.”

That didn’t sound half bad. “Sure,” Natasha said. “What time should I be over?”

“Um, I have another meeting with Fury in a bit, so let’s say...8?”

“Text me the address and I’ll be there.”

“It’s a date!” Bobbi said. “I’ll see you tonight!” She turned and headed out of the mess hall. “Be a little less obvious,” Natasha heard her say to another junior agent, who was scrapping her plate very slowly into the trash. The junior agent looked terrified and practically ran back to her table.

Natasha smothered her laugh and took another bite of her sandwich. If she was that scared of Bobbi Morse, she wasn’t going to last a week. 

  
  


_ From Clint: _

_ I hear you’re hanging out with Bobbi tonight. _

_ From Nat: _

_ I am. :) _

_ Who told you?  _

_ From Clint:  _

_ May.  _

_ Apparently everybody knows. _

_ From Nat:  _

_ God already? SHIELD gossip is the worst. _

_ From Clint:  _

_ And here I thought you knew better than to say anything personal in public. _

  
  


“How on earth did you get accounting to pay for this?” Natasha asked when Bobbi opened her hotel room door. 

Bobbi laughed. “Turn in all your paperwork on time and this’ll happen for you too.” She stood aside for Natasha to come it. “I just realized it was probably a little weird to invite you to my hotel room, but jet lag has me beat.” She gestured over to the wet bar against the opposite wall. “Take what you want out of the mini bar, my treat.” 

“Ok,” Natasha said, humoring her. She surveyed the mini bar selection before choosing a mini bottle of wine. “I did think it was a little odd that you invited just me.”

“I wanted to catch up,” Bobbi said.

“No ulterior motives?”

Bobbi hesitated. “Some ulterior motives.”

“Oh, so this is an interrogation.” Natasha took a long drink from her tiny bottle. “Go ahead, I guess.” 

“What I’m wondering,” Bobbi said, “is why you and Clint aren’t dating yet?”

“ _ What _ ?”

“Or hooking up at the very least.”

Natasha composed herself and took another sip of her drink. “Hasn’t SHIELD taught you to not make assumptions?” she said, trying to deflect. 

“Well, I asked Clint and he told me no,” Bobbi said. 

Natasha choked and started coughing. 

“Well, Jesus, don’t die on me.” Bobbi sat up and leaned over to pat her firmly on the back. 

“There’s nothing going on between me and Clint,” Natasha managed between coughs. 

Bobbi snorted. “There’s enough rumors floating around about the two of you that they’ve reached the west coast.”

Natasha waved her hand dismissively. “We just spend a lot of time together and no one can keep their minds out of the gutter.” 

“Mm hm.” Bobbi didn’t sound convinced. 

“He’s my best friend! I’m not going to ruin that by--” Natasha stopped. “I mean, we’re not interested in each other.” 

Bobbi’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“You don’t want to ruin your friendship with Clint? Is that why you aren’t dating?”

“Oh my God, why are you so invested in this?” Natasha asked. 

Bobbi shrugged. “Maybe I get all match-makery when I’m in a stable relationship. Maybe Clint is a great guy that I think should be happy. Maybe I think that you seem great and we’re friends and you deserve to be happy too.”

Natasha flopped onto her stomach on the bed, careful not to spill her drink. “I’m perfectly happy,” she said. “Dating someone isn’t going to magically make me happier.” 

“Ok, but I’ve seen the way the two of you look at each other--”

“Now are we going to watch trash TV or not?” Natasha interrupted. 

Bobbi glared at her. “For the record, I’m letting you change the subject,” she said, before turning to the TV guide to see what terrible dating show could be dug up. 

  
  


When Nat returned to her room, she couldn’t sleep. Bobbi’s words kept circling her head, over and over. 

_ There’s enough rumors floating around about the two of you that they’ve reached the west coast. _

_ You don’t want to ruin your friendship with Clint? Is that why you aren’t dating? _

Eventually she gave up sleep as a lost cause and headed to the gym. Maybe punching a bag would make the confused tangle of thoughts go away. 

She wrapped her hands and began throwing her frustration at the punching bag.  _ If you want to be honest with yourself _ , she finally thought,  _ you like Clint and have for a long time.  _ But her career at SHIELD had seemed too  tenuous at first for her to risk making a move on the man that had brought her in. As the years had passed and Clint had become her best friend, it had seemed risky in an entirely different way for her to try and start something with him. 

_ What’s different this time? Why can’t I stop thinking about what Bobbi said?  _

“Nat?”

She was mid punch and the distraction caused her to inelegantly slam her fist against the bag. “Clint?” she asked, squinting. The lights were dim and she could hardly see him standing in the door.

“What are you doing up?” he asked, moving towards her. 

“I could be asking the same of you. Couldn’t sleep?” 

“Yeah,” he said. They were talking in low whispers, even though there wasn’t anyone around. “No nightmares or anything.”

“Hm.” Natasha began to unwind the tape on her hands. “I was thinking too much.” 

“Want to talk about it?”

She shook her head.

“Did hanging out with Bobbi go well?”

“Yeah, it was fine. We made fun of  _ The Bachelor  _ and drank all the wine in her mini bar. Standard girls night if TV has taught me anything.”

Clint chuckled. 

“Talk about anything?” he asked. 

“Is that a way of asking if we talked about you?”

“Maybe.”

Natasha shrugged. “Not really, no.”

“Hm,” Clint said, like he didn’t believe her. 

“We didn’t,” she insisted, even though it was sort of a lie. 

“What did you talk about then?” 

Natasha shrugged again. 

“Fine, keep your secrets.” He shook out his arms. “Do you want to spar or something since we’re both not going to sleep?”

“Not really.” She found herself studying him, wanting him, as he ran his hand over his head and messed his sleep mussed hair up even more. 

“Well, I can stay here and watch you box, I guess.” When that got no response, he pushed on. “Or we can go back to my room and watch TV or play video games or see who can make the biggest Jenga tower. Come on, Nat, say something-” 

Natasha shut him up by kissing him. 

He responded instantly, kissing her back, his hands going to her waist. She tugged at his sleep shirt and he pulled it off, before moving back in to kiss her. Clint fiddled with the clasp on her sports bra, but didn’t make any progress. Natasha broke the kiss to unclasp it and helped Clint pull it over her head. 

Clint hesitated when he got to his pants, but Natasha grabbed for them and pushed them down before stepping out of hers. She hesitated herself once she was completely naked, but Clint just stopped and stared at her. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered.

Natasha rolled her eyes, but still went to him again. They kissed and kissed and kissed until Clint was lying back on the mat and Natasha was straddling his waist. 

“You don’t have to--” he started to say. 

Natasha cut him off. “I want to,” she said and then she slid onto him. She groaned as he filled her and Clint’s hands reached up to grasp her hips. She leaned forward to kiss him again and they both hissed as he shifted inside of her. She never wanted to forget the feeling of his lips on hers when she slammed her hips into his and he gasped against her. She rode him harshly, but his hands gripped her hips, urging her on as endearments fell from his mouth. 

Feeling herself getting close, Natasha reached down and pressed between her legs. Her back arched and Clint slid his mouth down her neck and to her shoulder. She groaned when he nipped at the junction of her neck and shoulder. Clearly taking that as encouragement, he sucked hard there and between that and her fingers Natasha came. She jerked against Clint, her hips stuttering and she could feel his smile against her skin. 

Clint used her orgasm to take her by surprise and rolled them both until it was her with her back on the mat. His thrusts quickened and he found her clit, winding her up again. He was still looking at her like she was something precious, like she meant something and Natasha couldn’t look at him, even as she spiralled into a second orgasm and Clint came with a shout. 

They slumped together, both breathing heavily. Clint pulled off of her with a hiss and rolled onto his back so they were laying side by side. She couldn’t resist leaning into him, tucking her body so it was up against his. He grinned at her, bright and happy. 

“That was amazing. You’re  _ amazing _ .” He leaned over so he could kiss the corner of her mouth. “Come back to my room with me?” 

Natasha found herself nodding in agreement, but then froze. Clint was looking at her like she was a wonder, like there was an utter change in how he saw her now. Panic suddenly bubbled up in her. 

“I’m going to go back to my room,” she said, unable to look at him. She hurriedly collected her clothes and pulled them on, not caring that the shirt was on backwards and her bra wasn’t fastened properly. 

“Nat?” Clint said, sitting up properly. She still couldn’t look at him, with his pants around his ankles and his expression so worried. 

“I’m sorry,” she muttered and then she left the gym. 

“Nat!”

She didn’t look back.

  
  


_ From Nat: _

_ I fucked up. _

__

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ Nat it’s 4 am.  _

_ From Nat: _

_ I know.  _

_ Sorry. _

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ What happened and is there a body involved? _

_ From Nat:  _

_ There’s SOMEbody involved alright.  _

_ From Bobbi: _

_???? _

_ Nat? _

_ Nat explain! _

_ (Two missed calls from Bobbi Morse) _

  
  


Natasha hid out in her room until the afternoon and then ditched the SHIELD base to head into Washington D.C. She didn’t want to hang around in her room any longer. Clint hadn’t stopped by, but Steve and Maria had both knocked on her door. The SHIELD gossip mill must already be turning. 

Maybe wandering around the National Mall would clear her head or inspire her to steal a national monument or _ something _ ?

Her phone chirped to announce a text and she pulled it out, scrolling back through the lasts six hours of texts from Bobbi. 

_ From Bobbi: _

_ Pick up you phone Nat!  _

_ From Bobbi: _

_ Ok Maria’s worried what’s going on??? _

_ From Bobbi: _

_ May wants to know if I know why Clint’s been in the gun range for four hours.  _

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ I WILL ASK CLINT I’M NOT AFRAID TO!!! _

Natasha sighed and hit the call button.

“So, now you’re ready to talk?” Bobbi said in lieu of a greeting, “It’s rude to text someone at four am and just ghost, you know.”

Natasha stared into the fountain. 

“Natasha?” 

“I’m bad with emotions,” Natasha said. 

Bobbi snorted. “You think?” She paused. “Sorry, not helpful, go on.” 

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“When you texted me at four am? Or with whatever happened with Clint?”

“I don’t know if I want to talk about this,” Natasha said. 

“Did you two have an argument?” 

“No.”

“Then  _ what happened _ ?”

“I fucked him in the gym.” 

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. 

“Well?” Natasha said. 

“Like, in the big, SHIELD, gym? My God. I  _ use _ that gym, Natasha.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” 

“In the gym or in general?”

Natasha shrugged and then belatedly remembered Bobbi couldn’t see her. “Both, I guess.”

“Huh. I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting you to move so quickly when I prodded you.”

“I think you broke my brain a bit.” Natasha stood and paced away from the fountain. “I don’t know why I did that. I’ve probably ruined everything.”

Bobbi sighed. “You haven’t ruined everything. Knowing Clint, he’s tying himself up in anxious knots over how  _ he’s _ ruined everything. Just talk to the poor guy, ok?”

“You make it sound so easy,” Natasha said. 

Bobbi snorted. “Trust me, I’m very familiar with Clint’s anxiety. I know it’s not easy.” Her voice softened. “If you don’t talk to him, you will ruin it, Natasha. Because you’ll think that by ignoring it nothing will change and then it’ll eat at you until everything is altered.”

“Who made you a relationship guru?”

“I’m on my second marriage,” Bobbi said dryly, “I don’t know shit.”

  
  


Natasha loitered around the National Mall until it got too late and dark for her to justify staying and then she headed home. She felt no better off and her thoughts still tangled confusingly when she tried to figure out how to approach Clint. Ignore him? Go to his room and apologize? Sleep on it and see if she had more clarity in the morning? 

Her decision was made for her when she entered her room and flicked the lights on to find Clint sitting on her bed. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t pull a gun on you,” she said. “Have you been sitting here in the dark this whole time?”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck. “Not too long.”

“Did Bobbi call you and tell you to come here?” 

“No,” he said. At her arched eyebrow, he added, “She texted. But I was already planning on trying to see you.”

Natasha got a cup and filled it with water just to have something to do with her hands. 

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. 

“Sorry for what?” Clint asked, confused. 

“I’m sorry for fucking up our friendship.” Once the floodgates were opened, she found herself unable to stop. “I shouldn’t have kissed you and I definitley shouldn’t have had sex with you and I have no expectations--”

“Nat,” Clint tried to interrupt. 

“We can just go back to being friends and I’ll never mention it again, I swear--”

“Nat!” Clint said, sharper. Natasha’s mouth snapped shut. Clint reached out a hand for her. “Come here,” he said. “Come sit.”

Natasha left the cup of water and went, hovering awkwardly in his space until he tugged her down next to him. Clint cupped her face in his hand once she was on his level and said, “Natasha. Do you regret the sex with me?”

“No,” she said honestly.

“Ok,” he said. “Then what’s the issue? Because I like you a lot and I would be thrilled to keep having  _ something _ happen between us.”

“I,” Natasha stopped and licked her lips. Clint gazed at her patiently. “I just don’t want to ruin our friendship. Or mess up things with SHIELD.”

“So we don’t let it,” he said. “We communicate and we work it out. Even if we had a falling out, I’d never let it mess up your career, Jesus Nat, why would I?”

“I’m,” She felt so off kilter, but this needed to be said. “I’m not--I’m not going to be good at dating, Clint.”

“Neither am I,” he said. “You’ve met my ex wife.” 

Natasha gave a slightly hysterical laugh. Clint caressed her cheek and she couldn’t help leaning into it. 

“I know it’s not going to be easy,” he said, “but I’m willing to work at it if you are.”

“Ok,” she said. “Ok.” She felt like she couldn’t look him in the eye anymore and ducked her head. “I really like you, Clint,” she whispered. 

He leaned forward and kissed her. “I really like you too.” He kissed her again and again and she chased the kisses, following them into his lap where Clint could surround her with his arms and she could taste his laughter as she nipped at his lips. 

  
  


_ From Bobbi:  _

_ Did you talk to him? _

_ From Bobbi: _

_ Nat? _

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ Everything ok? _

_ (One missed call from Bobbi Morse) _

_ From Nat:  _

_ I’m BUSY! _

_ From Bobbi: _

_ Busy doing what? _

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ Oooooooooh. _

_ From Bobbi: _

_ Tell Clint I said hi! _

_ From Nat:  _

_ MY PHONE IS ON DO NOT DISTURB. IF URGENT, PLEASE REPLY WITH URGENT. _

_ From Bobbi:  _

_ Figures. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
